You were there in my waking dreams at dawn; right beside me I felt the brush of your arm against mine. What a fortunate knack I have for keeping these things warm in slumber. I wanted to pull you close and press my face against your neck and find sweet accommodation there but to do so would have broken the trance. I lay there rapt and still, your arm against mine; your fingers almost within reach I dared not creep towards and softly intertwine my own lest I wake and find you gone. I listened out for the fall and swell of your chest. You – the tease of a hair’s breadth away - still warm and capable of touching each eager nerve to the quick.
An unchecked twitch, a shiver and you were gone. I reached across to grasp you but there was only the spineless pillow, creased in a smirk, idly mocking my bliss.
Damn this sweet longing, this exquisite itch that even sleep can’t rest or soothe.
We should not feel guilty about that kiss. We would have been doing the universe a disservice were we to have denied it.
Love goes towards love.
XXX
P.S. I hope all is well - or at least as well as can be expected. I am thinking of you and I know now is not the time for discussing these things, but you know you can call me anytime you need to (well of course I'll tell you politely if it's not convenient, but you know what I mean). X
P.S. I hope all is well - or at least as well as can be expected. I am thinking of you and I know now is not the time for discussing these things, but you know you can call me anytime you need to (well of course I'll tell you politely if it's not convenient, but you know what I mean). X
Your dreams are lovely. I'm sorry to use this space to drop a horrid dollop of real life.
ReplyDeleteIf she read this I'd wake up not single, but dead.
I'm going to do what I said I wouldn't, and get a private email. Then I will add myself and delete the traceable self, if that is ok with you.
I don't feel guilty about the kiss either, btw. But that is me. That's you. I just feel terrified at the worst case scenario fall-out. I nearly grabbed the boys and escaped today. Some headbanging and 'collapses'. But I was maybe cruel, or maybe sensible, and didn't pick her up. I told her to pull herself together because the children were in the room, and she did immediately. Fuck it this is crap. Only fifteen hours of hell so far. How many to go?
Love D xxx
It all sounds awful.Sounds like you need to call the bloody exorcist in.
ReplyDeleteWhy would I be anything other than patient? I'm not expecting anything - other than for you to survive this, sane and in one piece. I completely understand the need for subterfuge. I've had to 'hide' stuff from raging partners. It's uncomfortable but more comfortable than a knife in the groin.
You do whatever you need to do. I'd offer but there isn't alot I can do for you from here (or anywhere for that matter) but I'll keep my head down and my mouth zipped if it's any help.I haven't even felt able to write in my public blog these last few days for fear of it being scrutinised for 'evidence'!!
An odd thing happened. Mark got in touch for the first time since Wales the other day and said he'd had a dream that I'd gone to visit you. No prompting whatsoever. So maybe we're not so subtle.
I can't think what else to say without seeming glib or cliched. The hell WILL be over in time even if things sometimes get worse before they get better. You are the strong one here, and, in my opinion, the wiser one. Just keep going and keep your strength. I can only send you my thoughts and my love.
K.xx
THanks - weird about Mark.
ReplyDeletemust dash - love Dxxx
p.s. you might get an email apology from k at some time.